Feeling a little alone.

Hello my community of no one, know otherwise as my non-existent audience. And with that little opener, we have today's topic: feeling lonely. There is this universally known feeling known as being lonely. Your mind knows that you are surrounded by hundreds, thousands, and millions of people but still feel quite alone. The whole cliche phrase of feeling "alone in a crowded room" kinda thing. There is a reason this phrase is so cliche, so overused, it's because people ACTUALLY feel this way. I'm a very introverted person (a topic for another day) that doesn't really share their feelings, so sometimes even with my closest friends I feel alone, because they don't know what's going on in my life every and no one really understands what I'm going through. I'm currently loosing my best friend of 10 years, to another group of people who are honestly some of the most obnoxious people I've met. Who just happen to be the kind of people we'd poke fun at in years past. When people change, you start to get this lonely feeling. I think a lot of feelings come from the fear of change, you lose people, things, and then what you once knew as familiar is suddenly ripped away from you, and you have to create a new familiar. And during those little transition phases, this is when you feel so alone, because honestly there is nothing you can do about it. I know there are definitely more forms of the 'feeling of being lonely' but this just happens to be the one I'm feeling right now.

When one deep breath isn't enough.

much love,

Only That Inivisble Girl

P.S. if you're reading this and feeling a little lonely, I'm here, I see you! Email me and I will send much love, and will talk through anything with you :)

Here's a song that hits a little close to home on this topic: Click me for song!

school=ew

I have had issues with classes and scheduling with this coming school year, with that comes with a lot of stress. I don't want to be in school anymore than the next guy. Don't get me wrong, I love learning but my education is what gets in the way of that. My school system is far from perfect, and I don't have the option of homeschooling, and I don't adapt well to online learning. I find myself wanting to just disappear, I have no desire to make any human interaction whatsoever, even with friends. This lack of desire for social interaction is a little concerning considering what it can do to a person. I'm ready for college where none of that is necessary and I can do what I want, but right now I'll be getting up at 6:30 am for the next a hundred days.


School makes me want to puke.

xoxo

Only that Invisible Girl

P.S. School is really hard for someone with high anxiety?


P.P.S. Why is the school system built around extroverts? I'm introverted and have no desire to "tell the class a little about myself"???

What you feel when you lack drive

I’ve never once finished a piano piece on my own. I always had the nagging of my mother, or the disapproving tension filled lessons I received from my piano teacher that drove me to finish the juvenile pieces in those hundreds of books my mother bought for us. But, when I stopped taking lessons and got music on my own, and now own a binder filled with pieces, I haven’t learned to play a single one through the whole way on my own. I don't know why this is. I love music, and I'll always be sure of that. I also love the feeling that comes with finishing pieces that all the time spent working on it has come down to a few minutes of melodic bliss. The fact that its so easy to quit is maddening. My fingers will fumble on the keys, and that's all it takes for me to slam my hands on the piano creating a cacophony leaving me to get off the bench and walk away. For millionth time. I have nothing to be proud of with the mere forty measures of "difficult melodies" that people seemed to be impressed by. If I can't hit the chord at the end, all of it means nothing.


Stuck in the middle of the chorus, 

xoxo

Only That Invisible Girl

My life put simply

The lack of motivation to do anything is overwhelming. I simply want to curl up with a good book and forget that the trash needs to go out, or that I haven't had a decent meal in three days. Yet, here I am trying to push myself over the looming wall of self doubt, and creativity block. My life has been simply just pathetic and sad this summer. All my friends are off doing things that seem much cooler than me, and here I am waiting for the world to change. I thought about getting a job but the fact that my mom would have to take me to work because my sister works first shift at her job with our car is simply unbearable. Sometimes I zone out and my hands feel like they're in water and no longer connected to my body. It's a weird but oddly mind opening feeling. Anyways, I haven't been doing anythings so these simple udates are here just to tell you that I haven't died in the corner while my mind dances around inside my head.

Much Love,

Only that invisible girl.

xoxo

Update

     I've decided to start this blog off fresh. If you'd like to see any previous posts just ask, I saved them as drafts <3. Finishing this year of school has left me with nothing to do. So, naturally i've started writing. Where I do like how informal this blog is I've decided to write a structured ficitonal story. It's been a challenge, but it's good for me. I like how it's pushing my boundaries, creativitaly and it's different than anything i've done before. It's up on Wattpad. I will post a link at the end of this blog post so feel free to check it out, it's called "Amongst the Stars". I've had a lot of fun being able to express my own thoughts and feelings through the main characters. Where I'm kinda frightened of the feed back I'll get, I'm still gonna put myself out there. I'll be giving updates on here just to give you a little glance on how my life is going. 

Much Love,

Xoxo

Only That Invisible Girl 

or known as 

The Trunk of the Tree 

on Wattpad 

Here's the link:

Click Me!

 

“Creativity takes courage. ”
― Henri Matisse